Full-Time Training - Testimonies

“Knock and It Shall Be Opened”, M.L.

I never thought I would be a Christian. Much more, I never thought I would be in the Full-Time Training in Anaheim (FTTA). Now I'm in my fourth term, finishing up the Training. Praise the Lord! Looking back, everything seemed so impossible. But when the Lord is after what He wants, He will have a way to gain it. I was never a seeking person. In general, I was content with my life, sensing no need for change. I didn't want to be a Christian; I even rejected it. But the more I opposed, the more the Lord drew me to Himself. Eventually, I received the Lord and slowly allowed Him to work Himself into my being. Then before long the Lord called me to go to the Full-Time Training. I recognized His calling, but didn't really have the desire to follow Him. The Lord called me again the next year as I was graduating from college. This time, I had the desire but it wasn't strong enough to overcome all excuses and obstacles. So the Lord called me the third time. My heart was fully for the Training, but many difficult circumstances and environments did not allow me. Thus, I struggled tremendously. When I finally came to a point of total exhaustion and confusion, I gave in. I genuinely opened to the Lord in prayer, and asked Him to open the way for me if He wanted me to go, for I was quite clear that this calling was from Him.

In the midst of much time with the Lord, Matthew 7:7-8 became so clear to me. It says, “Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it shall be opened.” I was enlightened by footnote 1 of Matthew 7:7 in the Recovery Version that says, “First ask, then seek, and last knock. To ask is to pray in a common way, to seek is to supplicate in a specific way, and to knock is to demand in the most intimate and most earnest way.” When I first responded to the Lord's third calling, I asked Him for a way. Then without any clear leading, He led me to seek Him. When I still didn't get any direction, any answer, He caused me to knock. I knocked because I was bothered and I was desperate. I wanted to go and knew that He wanted me to go, yet I had no way. To me, it was impossible, but to the Lord, everything was possible. I recognized this, thus I came to the point of knocking. This showed me the depth of my relationship with the Lord. All that asking and seeking, conversing and fellowshipping, had deepened my relationship with Him. He showed me that it's okay to demand Him, just like our human relationship with people. When we barely know someone, we can only ask for certain things, we cannot demand. But when we know a person deeply and personally, then we can place a demand on him. The Lord is my Beloved, my Father, my Bridegroom; my relationship with Him is more that just a mere acquaintance. There's a love and life relationship between us; I have the right to demand of Him. Oh, how His Word dawned on me and encouraged me.

After seeing this light, I felt the way was opened, the path was clear. I made the decision to go to the FTTA. I knew the consequences of choosing this path, but I just wanted to follow the Lamb wherever He goes. Our God is not a cheap God; there's always a price to pay to gain Him. I chose to follow Him because I saw Him and His presence was with me. He will take care of all matters concerning me because I am here for His interest. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” I trust my Lord and I love Him.

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